02 Afflictions

[Slavs]

I’ve been around the BMW world since 1982, And. Since then I, too, have suffered various afflictions specific to BMW. So, I hope some of you newbies don’t get offended as my message is also self deprecating.

“Tii” fever:

This fever is highly contagious and has been spreading at an alarming rate. People afflicted with it measure everything in terms of “Tii”. They keep repeating “Tii” while talking about any 02. They tend to view all other 02s as lower rungs  of the 02 ladder. 

 

The “Alpina” high altitude sickness:

Nobody is quite sure of what exactly constitutes a true “Alpina” , and the high altitude Alpina sickness is just as elusive. People afflicted with it are fixate on “Alpina”, but are unable to clearly define “Alpina”. The Alpina induction system has sucked the oxygen around them, and they are left impaired similar to a mountain climber left without his oxygen bottle at high altitude.

 

The “Euro” Dysentery:

Worst than Montezuma’s revenge, people afflicted with this malady label everything as “Euro”. Euro comes out of their mouths and behinds like a liquid manure. They throw “Euro” everywhere and over everything.

 

The “Limited Slip”:

People afflicted with this disease have a certain gait to their walk. They are convinced that a limited slip is the solution, but they are wrong. Recognizing this stubbornness is a major factor to overcoming this disease.  

 

Yes, at one time or another I’ve been afflicted with some of these, although, I haven’t contracted “Tii” fever, yet. I’ve been especially careful. 

Cure & Treatment:

The only known cure or treatment is to drive a plane jane early, 6V, bone stock 1600 for a couple of years.

[GavBak]

As a newbie this is funny to read. Thanks!

Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk

[mvliotta]

I partially spit out my beer laughing. 

 

Very funny, but you forgot another very contagious disease... 

 

The “5 Speed” Stutter

Where only people who have installed a 5 speed understand you.  4 speed owners might as well be speaking another language. 

Edited September 11, 2019 by mvliotta
..

[2002iii]

You forgot to mention the "If it's not factory stock its blasphemy" terrets and " I've forgotten more than you'll ever know about BMW's " syndrome lol

[roadhog0]

Yup, that was funny right there! 

The "13" are the only right tire" Wail
Where only people who have never stepped outside the box are afraid to step up their tire size.

[NickVyse]

anybody want to buy a euro tii with an lsd and 5 speed? I can even put an alpina badge on the cam cover (a real one)

 

 

[SydneyTii]

Oh dear perhaps I should change to Sydney02?

[HarryPR]

How about the Inka Influenza? LOL

[Mike A]

The age old “collector” vs “enthusiast” mindset....the single most overused term over on the early 911S forum is the word “correct “, as in “that’s not correct”. 

[Mike Self]

And don't forget two more syndromes--Popeye arm muscles from a smaller than stock steering wheel, closely associated with "Bus Wheel Malady" and...

 

cool aftermarket wheels (of any size) vs bog stock steel or factory alloys.  

 

And I won't even go into radios...

 

mike

[resra]

Ok Slavs, now I have to go find me a Alpine-a Euro TTI (Touring Transatlantic Interjection) with 5 speed and LSD! Can it have Bulging US turn signals or wait those are worth half the price of the flat kind. Someone actually told me the US turn signals are actually very bad design because they collect snow in winter and others can't see you turn. 

Edited September 11, 2019 by resra

[tech71]

Looks like you covered the main afflictions Slavs. A less common type of 02 ailment is the: 

"MegaSquirt Squiggles"

A condition where the afflicted begins speaking in some obscure dialect filled with terms like "Alpha-N", "Tune Files", "Pulsewidith" ECT.

[Son of Marty]

Don't forget The horsehair hack, a dry cough from disintegrating gummi hair. 

[Mike A]

Notch and snorkel 

[Buckeye]

123 ignition system