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MUST READ: Rant of the century.........

Guest Anonymous

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Guest Anonymous


URL: http://www.zeebuck.com/02bc/index.htm

OK, first off, I didn't write this. The credit for this piece goes to friend, and fellow 02 nutcase Renato Teh. For those who know Renato, this rant will make sense. For those who don't know Renato, well, make of it what you will. This was spawned after our local 02BC group had a minor "round vs. square" conflict.



Ya know in the past I never waded into this fray because

I considered myself above it all; like why would I dignify such

fecal matter (the roundie uber alles shit). But now I speak:

It's funny how I feel that so many so-called hardcore '02ers

are in fact LOSERS SHEEP WEAK and worst than teenagers,

you know the score: they scream and fight for freedom-freedom-freedom

and personal expression, etc. like it's life or death or something yet yet yet

in reality they DEMAND conformity (Columbine anyone?). Ya know

I've discussed this pathetic topic with non-02er friends and their

conclusion was that in fact it was the squares that MUST be

axiomatically the true faithful HARDCORE ENTHUSIASTS cause they

have to fight detractors from both WITHIN and without the '02 cult.

Lend me your grey matter and the clouds WILL part:

From without: boxy/funny-looking/Ladas/ugly

From within: roundies are superior/big bumpers are no good

GET a LIFE: We all have the same bodies. You cannot choose who you fall

in love with. The 2002 put BMW on the map. That is a fact. These put-downs

are divisive and only make roundie owners look insecure and pathetic. Why?

Cause they are so weak that they have to buy their coffee from Starbucks

and hold the cup at an angle that most saliently displays the spreadeagled

mermaid/siren for fear of not having the societal seal of yuppie approval.


I'd rather buy coffee that tastes good and is not bitter. That was a metaphor by

the way. SOOOOO I've owned a huge plethora of cars and I am now 39 years old going

on 60 and I will tell you personally that the only two types of OH TWO groupings I

was aware of before buying my OH TWO and the only two types of OH TWO groupings

I am aware of today are as follows:

RUST-FREE UNRESTORED (no filler/mud/bondo and factorystraightcontours) tiis...............

and everything else.....PERIOD.

Factoid:tiis have 30% more horsepower and 31% more torque and are 50% more fun

Factoid:1980 M1 2800 lbs. 277 hp

Factoid:2002 M3 3500 lbs. 333 hp

Newer does not mean better. The one who has the most fun wins.

The great Colin Chapman was right: For speed, add lightness.

We should be celebrating all OH TWOs... there are so few left...5 months ago I was

bombing around Spanish Banks and a Dark Blue Ti roundie played tag with my tii

and later followed me into a parking lot and came up to me

with window rolled down and we chatted for like 10 minutes still

inside our rides and afterwards my cousin Ernesto who was my passenger and who also

owns a BMW asked me if such comraderie among OH TWO owners was typical. We

should be inpired by these stories but when I hear disparaging words tossed in the

direction of square 74/75/76 owners I want to tell them that they are pond scum

and you never insult a man's ride .....ever....unless you want to be hospitalized ....

and remember..... nowadays the waits at hospitals can stretch to 3 or more hours

....it is divisive ....uncool....and insecure.


makes some roundie owners appear like southern Harley loving, velvet Elvis paintings

loving, tobacco chewing, extras from the movie DELIVERENCE looking, inbred, NASCAR loving

trailer park residing, opposing thumbs lacking but extra Y chromosome owning, KKK supporting

TYPES who although they say they are very

devout Christians in truth hate non-whites when in fact as a true Christian you are suppose

to believe that man was created in the likeness of GOD. That was a metaphor by the way.

I personally get very excited when I see any any any any any any

OH TWO in any condition on the streets of Vancouver. It's like a happy sighting...

cause we are a fraternity and the registry goes down every year ya know.




I have always been accused of being a strong individual and nobody tells me what to like

and what not to like, who to go to coffee with and who not to go to coffee with, who to

fall in love with and who not to fall in love with, who is successful and who is not successful,

what is superior and what is inferior whether within or without the '02 cult.

Like the New Hampshire plates say: LIVE FREE


I am so grateful to have owned several effervescent BMWs in my life that have delivered the

real performance package holy trinity: motor / steering / chassis.

I love my Square tii ('74 was the last year for tiis) I THINK I'LL KEEP IT FOREVER. When

it's at 4000 rpm and above the humming roar it makes and the WAY in which it generates

horsepower, the linearity and eagerness, always leaves me with a grin and reminds me that

this was the gene pool from which the E30 M3 drew its athleticism and motorsport vibe.

roundie or square I love ALL OH TWOs

Renato Teh (a true '02 enthusiast)

'74 Sahara tii

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Guest Anonymous


'02s aren't worth a nod.

the only two types of OH TWO groupings

I am aware of today are as follows:

RUST-FREE UNRESTORED (no filler/mud/bondo and factorystraightcontours)


and everything else.....PERIOD.

Sorry Herr TiiFuhrer, but as the owner of a

"RUST-FREE UNRESTORED no filler/mud/bondo and factorystraightcontours" 1974 2002, I beg to differ.

Tii's are only second in the '02 pecking-order.

There are only '02s or no '02s, and that includes 1502, 1602 and 1802 too.

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everytime some one says that the ONLY 02 worth mentioning is a Tii of any vintage, it makes my 1971 carburated "Tii Eater" just a little more angry and self conscious and in the Gospel of Ofhra : My non tii feels "dissed", or "unned", or some such "not as good" way.... ( tears and please for understnding where is dr.fill to help?.)

Your Buddy make some good points about the over -all great feeling of instant conraderie with other 02ers found anywhere , anytime, irresptective of light and bumper trim. I felt so inferior not being a tii owner i had to go and find the ultimate expresion of tii-dom: the Alpina A4 system. How's that for over- Compenation. I personally favor the round lights for aesthitics alone, but I never look down uponsquarelight/big bumpers never look askance at them, or feel superior to them. Hell- they are running 02s: a coveted beast to begin with , and that fost crush of mine, in college , Pam M.... was attracted to the rich kid's brand new Malaga Square light as I recall. So right there- square lights have a powerful place in my meager memory. Let the aggressions cease, let us join hands across the continents and let us pray that Mobil Tradition will start to make all the damn pieces we need and at good quality levels, to boot.

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Guest Anonymous

i prefer roundies because they were first, and the round lights reflect a different, some might say, more innocent aesthetic. the squaries are more modern, sleek, etc. big bumpers or no, squaries are also HEAVIER by at least 200lbs.

"add lightness" indeed.

of course if i was doing a fat horsepower m20, id use a squarie a) because of the added strength in the ass-end (note that BMW added about 400lbs to the M5 over the 540i in chassis strengthening to accomodate the extra 100hp) and B) because a squarelight, big-bumper sleeper is just my style... ;p


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Up to a year ago if you were in CA you couldn't have fun with a square light (smog), they both look just as good, no discrimation, they are the same car! True 02 nuts don't really care, is what's inside the hood what really counts.

Tii 50% more fun?? Just come for a ride on Jay's Sahara or my 38/38 if you are a non believer or still tii snob - and we both own tii's!


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Guest Anonymous

so my French photog buddy could earn some extra coin. That's me in the first pic with her hand on my shoulder. Shots of the incident ran in magazines all over the world and the incident is what made the LBGP famous beyond the car world. I'm still friends with her.

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