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Post Your LeMons


Otis

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I was gearing up to go with Raspi to the MARRS SCCA Sports Cars 4 races at Summit Point on June 11 - then I noticed that there's a 24 Hours of LeMons race the following weekend, June 18-19.

http://www.summitpoint-raceway.com/index.php?option=com_gcalendar&view=gcalendar&Itemid=37#year=2011&month=6&day=1&view=month

Joseph posted up this a while back -

http://www.bmw2002faq.com/component/option,com_forum/Itemid,57/page,viewtopic/t,354325/highlight,lemons/

And there have been other LeMons threads. And it got me thinking - Team Otis Racing could use a LeMon.

Can you post up your LeMons racer(s)? I yanked these pics off the LeMons website. More E30s than 02, but the 02's be representin'. Still, I'd like to see some other FAQer-created examples before construction begins.

Looks like my kind of event. I have a couple of potential LeMons-eligible BMWs in mind (or perhaps a rice burner) that could serve as an OtisLeMon. An OtisLeMon wouldn't be ready this year, but in the meantime, the races look fun. Particularly because they also have a Daisy Duke contest. And the 93 car looks like it has a stripper pole. (conkitchen - photoshop, please)

williamggruff - you're on a team? For July? This thread is very helpful, by the way:

http://www.bmw2002faq.com/component/option,com_forum/Itemid,57/page,viewtopic/t,351844/highlight,lemons/

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The Chumpcar - I love it. Makes me remember to secure the windshield.

Here are some more I yanked off the LeMons gallery. Yes, I also have the Daisy Duke photos, but I'll keep it to cars for now.

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Thanks, guys. I like the E21, Steve.

I have an '82 Celica sitting in the driveway - Kelly Blue Book on the car is negative. I need to do something with it ... so I might go in that direction like the picture below (Shelby? Celicaby?). Then again, there's a Shark sitting down the street, which looks like it could be had for $500 ...

I appreciate the pictures. Gives me lots of ideas ... not only for the cars, but for the Team OtisLeMon pit crew. Wegweiser - I'm recruiting you as crew chief.

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Here's the photostream for the Blunt Tech Wreck 74 tii LeMons car. For clarification, the photostream shows in great detail how NOT to prep a car for LeMons. Key lessons learned include: don't select a car that needs new rockers, a driver's side frame rail, floors and rear strut towers, and; don't select a tii that has over 370k miles and 350 rallies on it, with an original, untouched Kfish pump.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jynweythek/

williamggruff

'76 2002 "Verona" / '12 Fiat 500 Sport "Latte" / '21 Toyota 4Runner TRD Off Road Prem “The Truck”

 

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For those of you wondering how to get your application accepted by the LeMons gang, here's the text of our Summit Point "Capitol Offense" team application.

Mark Bryant loves cars, and has worked on a few car projects that have littered his driveway and garage with the husks of his efforts, yet no actual operating vehicles have ever resulted from his efforts. So the 24 Hours of LeMons seemed like a perfect project for Mark. To make his LeMons entry more challenging, Mark chose a car he knew nothing about and bought a seriously beat-up 1974 BMW 2002 tii from a local clown. Said clown knew nothing about the car either, but made some fantastic claims about the mileage, suspension and rust free nature of the car, all of which turned out to be utter horseshit.

Fortunately, Mark was able to use the car's VIN to track down the original owner, who coincidentally lives nearby. The original owner provided a detailed history of his 27 years of ownership, including the fact that he had sold the car in 2001 with 366k miles on the clock, which effectively invalidated the recent seller's statements that "the 71k on the odometer is the God's honest truth. Trust me!" The original owner also produced approximately 100 photographs detailing the numerous rallies in which he'd run the car, including 15 entries in the International 1000 Rally (a five day rally in the US and Canada) and numerous rallies in the Northeast Performance Rally Series. He entered the car in just about every rally held on the east coast from 1974 to the late 1990's, and campaigned it as a Pro Rally car in the early 1980s until SCCA rules required a roll cage. Starting in about 1981 he began using the car in BMW drivers schools, primarily at Summit Point but occasionally at tracks in NY, NH, VA and GA, and later became an instructor for those schools. By the time the car was sold, it had participated in over 350 rallies.

Despite having run the car in all of these rallies, the car was still the owner's daily driver, and with the exception of the motor, which produced a whopping 150 HP when it was new (roughly 200k miles ago), the car was a stock 2002 tii, i.e. stock suspension (no coil-overs, no big anti-sway bars, no adjustable shocks), stock 4-speed transmission, open differential, and nothing removed from the interior. It even had the stock rear seat.

So Mark unwittingly bought a little piece of local and national racing history. Not bad for $750.

Unfortunately, Mark also bought a metric shit ton of troubles. The original owner blew up the motor during a rally in the 80's, and he replaced the motor in the mid-1980's with a Metric Mechanic 2.2 liter motor, opting to keep the car as a tii, with its Kugelfischer mechanical injection system. This sounds really cool. Alas, the Kugelfischer injection pump is the physical manifestation of Schroedinger's black box, and the price to find out whether the cat is alive, dead or otherwise starts at around $1200. While we'd love to have a newly rebuilt Kfish pump in the car, we're pretty certain that several members of the LeMons Inc. Auto Appropriation Squad would like one too, so we're gonna try to sort this fucker out with some assistance from the helpful gang on the BMW2002FAQ.com forum. It looks like we're off to a good start: Mark decided the injection lines looked a bit ratty, so he took a shop knife to them. Oops. Much to our team's dismay, those yellowed nylon hoses cost a goddamn fortune. So we're looking into replacing the lines with a cheap alternative. Got any ideas?

Other issues with the car include:

--Both rockers and the entire floor are rusted beyond repair.

--The rear shock towers are rusted through, and have been repaired multiple times, apparently by some fuckwads who had access to, but no experience with lead brazing technology. So while the shock towers looked nice during the sales process, they're as soft as marshmallows. And while they lack the nutritious ingredients of marshmallows, they are chock full of dirt and rust.

--The driver's side frame rail resembles overcooked lasagna, replete with carbon dated tomato sauce. The original owner showed us photos of the car after he was involved in a head-on collision that crunched the driver's side fender to the point where the driver's side front wheel well was almost closed. He paid someone to have it repaired, and suggested that if we wanted to have some body work done, this guy was The Dude. Yeah, well we'd like to meet The Dude and give him a heavyweight cock punching. (Note: the punching would be heavyweight, not the cock.) (Second note: we actually don't know anything about the guy or his cock, and really have no interest in his cock, or its size, other than to punch him in his cock with extreme prejudice and malice. For all we know, he has a world class, photogenic, albeit ancient cock, the likes of which most men would be jealous to possess. We really don't fucking care. We just want to punch the guy in the cock and be done with it.) The post-repair photos looked great. Well, mister soon-to-be-cock-punched only replaced the outer fender and made it look nice. An impact with anything heavier than a shopping cart would have put the motor in the driver's lap. The driver's side frame rail was warped, bent, cracked in several places, and shortened by about an inch. In fact, the whole driver's side of the car is about an inch shorter than the passenger's side. The front subframe is twisted, and was clearly cracked, then welded back together after the accident. In any event, we're now stuck with the task of replacing the driver's side frame rail, which is a complex shape with some funky bolt holes in it. And of course that's way too fucking expensive to buy, so Mark is modeling one out of wood, and another team member will try to fabricate a suitable replacement. Scope creep? That's for fucking pansies. We've got scope sprint. You can google and trademark that shit. It's the real fucking deal.

Anyway, there's a holy host of other fucked up shit wrong with the car, but this isn't a support group for mama's boys with mechanical issues; it's a LeMons race team application, so we'll get to the point, albeit belatedly, and with a humble and contrite heart.

We've received a whole lot of support from some folks on the BMW2002FAQ.com forum. Without their help, we'd have tossed this confusing piece of shit in a dumpster a few months ago. Along the way, we've been introduced to some real characters, including a guy who goes by the online tag "BLUNT". BLUNT is apparently very familiar with scope creep, as he went from working on his own BMW's to selling OEM BMW parts to members of several online forums, including bimmers.com, S14.net and BMW2002FAQ.com. He's been exceptionally helpful to a lot of folks in the BMW community and, since we like his style and attitude, we thought it would make sense to give him a nod with our team and car names. So here goes:

The tii suffered a head-on collision with another car, which could certainly be referred to as blunt force trauma. So our team name is BLUNT Force Trauma. (Fuck off. We know it's a stretch, but we're car guys, not performance artists, and certainly not Nobel laureates.)

BLUNT's parts company/tax avoidance scam is called BLUNT Tech. So our car's name is BLUNT Tech Wreck. Clever. We know.

BLUNT has a white mullet. Seriously. He's like 50+ years old and sports a mullet. Amazingly, it actually looks good on him. And while some might joke him as the CEO of "BLUNT Tech Industries: Purveyor of OEM BMW Parts and Hairstylist to the Stars", we simply want to give BLUNT some props by wearing white mullet wigs and pretending to be genuinely nice guys. Again, it'll be a stretch for us, but we're probably better performance artists than we are car guys, so we can work it.

We've cleared our team's name, car's name and team's theme with BLUNT, who thinks we're misguided, yet well meaning children.

In summary:

Car Name: Blunt Tech Wreck

Car Type: 1974 BMW 2002tii

williamggruff

'76 2002 "Verona" / '12 Fiat 500 Sport "Latte" / '21 Toyota 4Runner TRD Off Road Prem “The Truck”

 

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Photo set from ThunderHill 2008 here:

Photo set from our first race and car build here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/showymcshow/collections/72157605033459993/

SF Chronicle article: http://articles.sfgate.com/2008-06-22/bay-area/17164305_1_vintage-car-bmw-race

LeMons is a damn good time. Our team, Autobahn Society Racing, has run 3 events, with a win of the coveted Index of Effluency trophy at our first race in 2008. We're currently in flux, but hopefully we''ll be back out there for Thunderhill this November.

Our roster has included lots of famous FAQ'rs that you all know and love:

Norm

Tom Jones

Steve K.

Matthew B.

Aashish

Sean Casey

Evan C.

LeMons rules. With a reliable, fun-to-drive car like a sorted 2002, it's just a ridiculous amount of fun. Can't wait to run again!

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Davin (who was in SF)

London, England

1968 Fiat 124 Sport Coupe

Pressin' on regardless . . .

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This is just what I need right now, working on one myself...err starting to work on it in a month or two. I'll have to bump this once I get something done with my big pile of parts.

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This is just what I need right now.

These are great responses. I can't thank everyone enough. I can only try, in the only way I know how - with a Daisy Duke contest photo or two.

I agree with Davin. LeMons rules!

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ours is an e21

for some reason, i love this photo

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steve k.

A late night for us as well.

Here we are just getting started swapping engines after Saturday's race.

Fired it up about 2:30 Sunday morning!

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73 - '02

88 - M3

88 - iX

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