| |
|
Date: 5-1-07 01:42
From: Otis 
Subject: Otis' First-Ever (and LAST FOREVER) Q-Tip Contest  
|
|
Why, oh why, do I do this to myself? I just mailed off my $25 registration fee to the Q-tip Chair, for this event this coming Sunday.
http://www.nccbmwcca.org/index.php?id=73,1063,0,0,1,0
I have no idea why I did it. I have absolutely no chance whatsoever of placing (let alone winning or showing). Indeed, why even clean up the car? With that $25, I could have made a donation to any one of numerous worthy charities (save the kitties!). But, Nooooooo.
Crap, now I have to clean Otis. He's never even seen a Q-tip, and his paint bubbles are alergic to Zymol. At least he's running Panasports and not basket weaves. Then again, why clean? As Stillwell Angle would say, "You're going to lose!!! You're going to lose!!!"
(Then again, maybe I'll do the butt-nekked thing -- that'd spice things up a bit, eh?)
Last edited by Otis on 5-7-07 06:06; edited 1 time in total
|
Date: 5-1-07 04:21
From: powelli in Fairfax Station, VA 
Subject: Re: Otis' First-Ever Q-Tip Contest
|
|
Good to see that you guys are attending. I am planning on heading up as well. Unfortunately, not in the '02 as I am still waitng for it to wrap up at the shop. _________________ 74 2002tii - m20 powered - Under re-construction
|
Date: 5-2-07 10:06
From: Otis
Subject: Re: Only Three More Shopping Days
|
|
|
My goodness, how time flies -- only three more shopping days left until the big Q-Tip event!!! I better get busy. Here's my list so far --
1. Q Tips. Duh.
2. Plastic shrink wrap. This is for wrapping the tires before I drive over. We wouldn't want to get the tires dirty - not even the tread. Some of that shipping plastic -- the shrink wrap stuff -- should do the trick. Might be a bit treacherous driving on the highway, but who cares - at least my tires will be clean.
3. A t-shirt with an obnoxious, offensive slogan. Goes without saying -- but I'm not telling you what it says. That's a secret.
4. A 50 Cent CD. You know, the Curtis Jackson, the rapper -- 50 Cent, "Get Rich or Die Trying." Someone always asks me to play something on Otis' stereo. I'm thinking, "P-I-M-P" by 50 Cent. Or maybe something by Snoop Dog. The Dog rules.
5. A feather duster. Serves two purposes -- first, removes every last speck of dust. Second, after I win a prize, I can stick the feather duster up my butt, prance around, and crow like a rooster over my victory.
5. Food. The DM never serves food. That means you get there at 8:30 AM, work like a Doggie to remove every last trace of dirt and other foreign matter, and then sit around after "Rags Down!" at 10:30, while the pre-determined winners are re-determined. Finally, at 3:00, they serve stale cheeze and warm white wine. Not me -- I'm having a party between "Rags Down!" and "Warm Wine."
6. Grey Poupon. Somehow, this just seems to fit. You know, just in case someone asks, "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" I'll be prepared.
7. Armor All. Lots and lots of Armor All. I think I'll even put some in my hair, for that slicked back, retro look.
8. A little scale model of my car. You think I'm kidding? Just wait and see.
9. My "Cuidado: Vomito de Gato" sign. I wouldn't want any of the judges to step in any cat vomit.
10. Finally, some obnoxious, offensive, magnetic stick-on bumper stickers. To put on the bumpers of the competition, especially your car, Jonathan. You may think you're going to get 100 points, but wait until the judges get a look at the bumper sticker I'm going to slap on your car (see below).
Anyway, gotta go -- gotta get shopping.
|
Date: 5-7-07 06:45
From: Otis
Subject: Re: Reflections from the Back Row
|
|
|
Well, the Concours Event came and went. Despite this being Otis' first-ever Q-tip contest, methinks it will also be his last. I spoke to him this morning, and he has decided to retire from non-competition (we registered in the non-compete "Display" class). Some random reflections on the experience:
First, some advice -- never, ever, work your ass off to create something original, which perhaps only you like -- say, for example, a trailer with a "Turbo Sport" barbecue on the back. You'll only be disappointed -- this is not the venue for that type of thing. You see, my very first misadventure occured the moment that I pulled into the display field. That's the moment when the Concours Chair greated me by requesting that I "offload the trailer" and leave it in the parking lot. No, sez me -- no can do. Hmmm, not off to a good start -- 30 seconds, and already a standoff.
Geez, I had worked hard on that trailer (which actually belongs to the E30), and even harder modifying the trailer to accept a hitch in the back, so that I could mount a portable barbecue. Not any barbecue, mind you -- we're not talking Hibachi or Weber. This is a stainless-steel, 15,000 BTU, steak-searing portable Q, of the type that would make Augiemize (our resident barbecue expert) proud. I was up until one in the morning putting the final coat of paint on the hitch post. So, to ask me to unhook the trailer and dump it in the parking lot (without a security device to keep it safe) would be out of the question.
So where did Otis wind up? All the way in the back row, in the woods. That way -- 'twas explained to me -- people would be able to "walk by" without "bumping into the trailer," and also, I would avoid "hitting any other cars" with the trailer. I guarantee you, Mr. Honorable Chair, I would not have hit any other cars. But, in deference to the real competitors, Otis and I head to the cheap seats -- over the river and through the woods, to the back row we go.
This is roughly the equivalent of the scene in Animal House, where Pinto and Flounder go to the top Frat house, and are ushered to the couch with the other Dwebs. Which come to think of it, is rather appropropriate, since I fit in better with the Deltas, anyway (D-Day, in particular).
From there, a few people actually managed to find us -- particularly since we offered free maps to help folks find their way back to the main field. Some folks actually had some kind words to say -- one particularly nice lady said that Otis was "beautiful," which caused him to blush (good thing I wasn't competiting, since that would have cost me points). I also fielded the normal array of how-many-times-have-I-heard-this-before questions -- mostly concerning the trunk, where the stereo system resides. Some examples:
1. "Holy f__king s__t -- what the f__k is all this crap?"
2. "Did you convert your car to electric?"
3. "Is it loud?" (my personal favorite)
4. "Are you Mr. Boots?" (A reasonable question -- My registration card lists "Mr. Boots" as the car owner.)
5. "Why do you have two batteries in your car?"
6. "How many watts does it have?"
7. "Who would do this to a classic car like this?" (I only overhear this one -- they never ask it to my face)
8. "What's this do?" (Directed at any number of components)
9. "You must have had too much time on your hands." (Ha ha ha, I forgot to laugh)
10. "Wow, you have music, and a barbecue -- you could have a party." Now, there's an original thought.
Okay, so, not having that great of a time here, fielding questions. What IS fun, is seeing friends -- Jonathan, John McW, Bill W, Doug and Dave, Rod and Sherry, etc. But, everyone is pretty busy cleaning, and since I don't do windows (or anything else, for that matter), time to get out of their hair and go register the car.
I walk over to registration, where Mrs. Spongebob is taking down names. Now, I've met Mrs. Spongebob at least 25 times before. And bless her for volunteering -- she's at every NCC event. But, like every time before, she has no idea who I am. I identify myself by spelling my last name, and tell her my car is a 1971 BMW 2002 -- to which she says, "wait a minute -- it's a 2002 -- why is it a 1971? Which year is it?" This is not going well.
I do have some fun wandering around the Porsche crowd -- one guy brings a GT to the show. What a car! Also, although I'm not a big Bathtub fan, they have some pretty cool-looking 356's there. The Mercedes collection is not all that exciting (maybe it's just me, but nothing really out of the ordinary here). Still, John McW has a really nice one for sale at a good price (contact John in Va), and it looks great. Also, a local car show is giving away air-pressure gauges. Yippee -- free stuff. Now, we're cooking with gas (which come to think of it, Otis can do).
I'll hand it to the event organizers -- they do have some food this year -- pay-per-bite barbecue (from Red, Hot, and Blue), so no one has to starve. Guess Otis didn't need his own barbecue after all -- but who knew? Also, the turnout is great. Further, perhaps the coolest car that I saw, wasn't on the show field at all, IMHO -- it was in the parking lot - a wood-sided Mini (original, not the newer BMW-owned Minis). Too cute for words.
Anyway, I decide to pack up the barbecue and head on home early. You see, Otis was looking kind of sad, sitting there in the back row, in the weeds. The sky was blue, the temperature was perfect, and it was Sunday -- and Georgetown Pike is a fun road to drive -- so Otis said, "let's hit the trail." So I packed it up and headed on out -- at noon -- saying goodbye forever to Concours competition. You see, out on the road, trailer in tow, windows down, stereo playing some classic rock (Best of 3-Dog Night) -- I realized, this is what Otis is all about, and what we enjoy -- crusing on down the road in fifth gear. I even received some honks and some waves, and several thumbs up (and fortunately, no middle finger salutes). In summary, nothing ventured, but nothing gained -- I figured I'd give it a try, just to show up and not compete -- just chill out and have some fun. But the most fun I had was driving down Georgetown Pike, crossing Chain Bridge, and then cutting through the city to Rock Creek Park and Beach Drive -- back home again. I'll leave the Concours contests to the pros -- Bill W, John McW, Doug and Dave, you guys all have great cars that deserve to win. As for Otis -- well, you'll find us at Animal House (aka Herndon).
Regards/Otis
|
|
|
|
Forum Help
Forum Search
Register
Log in